I don’t belong

I’ve been overwhelmed lately with one prevalent idea. It an idea that I have already been familiar with for a while. That’s how most ideas work. You are usually aware of them for years, but for one reason or another they take the spotlight in your mind at a distinct moment in time. Maybe it is an event that triggers the spotlight, or an emotion. Whatever the reason you can be assured that the idea will have a profound impact on you, and while you will have other profound impacts that may even surpass this current one you will feel an intensity and fire that will reach down into the very core of your being.

The idea is one that by itself would seem to imply a feeling of loneliness. It would seem to be a bleak ad depressing concept. It is one that gives grand pictures of a hermit living in the wilderness, or a man on a long journey through a desert that appears to have no end. Such a small idea with such intense conclusions. What is the idea? I don’t belong here.

Here is a general term within this idea. When I say here I mean this world and life. I don’t belong in this world. I’m out of place and will remain so until this body experiences its final breath. Countless men and women over the years have experienced this same feeling and have searched across this earth to find a sense of belonging. They seek the thing that will final give them that full satisfaction. We seek it everywhere on this earth, but are never able to find it. Those that say they are satisfied have deluded themselves by living in the town called “settling for less”.

I could search every inch of this earth only to confirm this very idea. I don’t belong here. Christians face this truth even more so. I was not made for this world. We all face this emptiness and struggle. It is a hunger that refuses to be satisfied. We catch glimpses of it. We see it in small doses through the touch of a loved one, a loving and committed marriage, a sunrise, the birth of new life, or an act of kindness. Even these things though remind us of what is missing in all other moments of our lives. This feeling can bring even the most devout Christian to a sense of depression if they are not careful. How do we fight this?

Remember where we do belong, and that our road leads towards that very destination. I will hunger for this destination until my last breath, but after that last breath that destination will be reached. I will come home. For my citizenship is in heaven, and my king is my creator and father. Men have tried since the garden to describe it with words and have failed do so and give it justice. The best explanation to give is that all the moments of glimpsing this destination on earth will pale in comparison upon our arrival. It will no longer be just moments, but it will be an eternity of delight. There will be no boredom because it will be a delight without end. Its depths will forever be able to be explored. Its richness will take eternity and beyond to comprehend. We will have eternity to be with, understand, and grasp the one who is beyond understanding. Away with the tears and fears. We shall finally be restored.

Why then do we wait here? If we do not belong here then why must we be here? Why must we face the persecution, murder, rape, natural disasters, evil, and God’s wrath upon it? It is so we can give glimpses of our destination to others. I want my son to know a glimpse of heaven so he will yearn for it like me. I want my marriage with my wife to give her a greater hunger for the marriage between Christ and His church. I want to show some kindness to strangers in hopes that the kingdom I will be going to would see bigger numbers in its citizenship.

I will welcome that last breath of my body and deaths embrace. I will welcome it with open arms. Until that day I will delight in those glimpses of my destination. I will soak in those God moments found in my marriage, friendships, and life. I will shout my hunger for my destination for the world to hear. I will live my life as one that is worth living, and when it ends I will live even more.


One response to “I don’t belong

  1. Beautifully written. Heaven is our home but we continue our journey here so that we can take as many with us there. Loved your post xoxo Catherine from Aussieland.

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