My wife came across an interesting discussion yesterday. It was on a board for mothers. A question was posed to the women that were in this group. They were asked if it would upset them to find out their husband was looking at pornography. No woman said yes. They all claimed they would be comfortable with it. My gut reaction to this news was to assume that these women were either being untruthful, or were unaware of how they would really react if the situation were to happen, but then we learned that many of these women openly admitted they enjoy pornography viewing with their husbands. All of this leaves me wondering what in the world has happened.
Over the past few years there has been the controversial subject of gay marriage. There are those who say legalizing gay marriage would destroy the sanctity of marriage in our country. I think that is a joke argument. Now I don’t agree with homosexuality. I have said as much on this blog before, though I still love, care for, and respect those who are in that lifestyle. I think the whole gay marriage ruining the sanctity of marriage argument is wrong though. I think it’s wrong because the sanctity of marriage has already gotten kicked around. Look at the divorce rate. Look at the amount of husband addicted to pornography. Look at the amount of wives who read books that can only be characterized as housewife erotica. How did this happen?
It’s not real. That is the argument you often here. This book is just fiction. It’s not that big a deal. It’s not like I am doing these things in this book. Watching this porn isn’t a huge deal. It’s not like I am cheating on my spouse by watching it. It’s not like I act on these lustful feelings I get by indulging in this material. It’s fun. It spices up our sex life.
It’s funny really. You see this same argument with the young teenager who tries to convince his parents to let him go see a movie. The skit guys portray it so well in that video. It’s just a little bit of sex, violence, and profanity. None of it is actually real. The actors are only pretending. It is make believe. There isn’t even that much of it. What is one sex scene going to do to me? What is a few seconds of seeing a naked woman on screen really going to do to me. It has to start somewhere though.
At this point some of you may be thinking I am using the fallacy of a slippery slope. Sometimes a slippery slope has truth to it though. For instance, generally a man does not wake up one day and instantly decide to kill someone. It is usually a combination of choices, environment, relationships, and various kinds content that lead up to that point. Even God uses the slippery slope argument. He would often tell His people not to interact with the other cultures. Jews were not meant to marry people form these other lands. The reason? Because they would steer them away from God and push Israel to worship false God’s. Surely God was just being overprotective though right? Well look at Solomon. Multiple wives form different lands which lead to pagan altars and the land of Israel. Spend too much time living in the garbage, and eventually you start eating it.
Porn isn’t a big deal in our culture today folks. The only ones not talking about it is the church. Our world has reached a point of general acceptance towards the porn industry. Books like fifty shades of grey are praised as brilliant works of literature and given top interviewing spots in morning news television. Our world has made pornography glamorous and healthy for marriages. It turns the sanctity of the union between a man and a woman physically and spiritually into a pick up tips to please your spouse time. That is the veil in front of it anyway. Anyone being honest with themselves knows the truth though. No male watches porn to invigorate his sex life with his wife. A man watches porn to become sexually aroused by another woman who is not his wife. Plain and simple.
This leaves us with a question. How do we face off against this? If this is really becoming the norm for couples, and I truly believe it is, then what needs to happen for those in the church? I believe the first thing that needs to happen is for it to simply be discussed. We avoid issues like porn and disguised erotica. It is an embarrassing subject. Churches would blush if they knew how many people in a giving congregation struggle with this issue. People need to be freed from this addiction, but they need to be allowed to come forward with the addiction in the first place.
The only thing that can fix the family unit is a family unit focused on Christ. People keep saying things like gay marriage will rip apart the American family. Since when was the American family synonymous with the Christian family? What needs to be focused on is the Christian family, and there are a host of issues that the Christian family needs to face.
God cares about the family unit. He understands that the best chance a youth has to be raised as a man or woman who honors Him is by having parents who will teach and guide them to be that way. Do you want to know how we fight this issue in our culture? We do it by raising our families to be different. To be the kind of family God intended it to be. To have a marriage where the full sanctity of that union is honored and respected. A marriage that doesn’t look to literature or film for sexual pleasure, but that delights in one another as the gift from God that they are. It is to be the kind of family that raises men and women who love the Lord and seek a spouse who is the same by modeling a healthy relationship that doesn’t need porn to supposedly keep the flame alive. It has parents who understand the power of “A little bit” of garbage media can lead down a dangerous path. It has parents who are parents rather than just friends to their children. It has parents that teach their children that a relationship with the focus of sex, and the need for porn to fuel that sex only leads to an empty shelled relationship void of anything resembling pure joyful emotional or spiritual intimacy. Anyone who indulges in those things, and says they have all that tells me they have not truly experienced what I am talking about.
The addiction of porn and sex is disastrous. During my time in college the struggle with pornography for young men was the norm rather than the exception. It is a struggle that has no bias amongst saved and unsaved. Even the most passionate of believers can run the risk of succumbing to it. That is why I pray for my son. I pray he will live in an environment where the temptations are not too intense. I pray he will live a life of better understanding and wisdom on this issue than his own dad did growing up. I pray he will learn from the mistakes of people like me an others, and never have to learn from them firsthand. I pray he will one day meet a woman who fears and honors the Lord. I pray he will be able to look at the relationship with my wife as a healthy example of a good Christian marriage. Above all else I pray he will take how he has been raised and make the world a little better with it. I pray all families will have this burden. With that passion perhaps we can make a real change in this world. Perhaps with a focus on our own family we can shed a light that the world has no chance at ignoring. Perhaps with our families we can finish this race saying, “We were here, we would not be ignored, and we will not be forgotten.”