Ever had those moments in life where you say, “If I can just get to this point then my life will be easier.” If I just got this much of a raise then I would be comfortable. If I just had this nifty item then my life would get so much easier. We often look for a worldly solution to fix a spiritual issue. It is saddening to see this take place. The truth is we all do this in some way. I see an alarming consistency of young people who take this application to issues of lust and porn. They look at marriage as the solution.
Let’s be blunt and discuss how the line of thinking works. A young man struggles with having lustful thoughts. He finds himself unable to resist the temptation of pornography. He is also in a serious relationship with a young woman. If he can just get to marriage then all of his problems will be solved. He can use all of his built up sexual tension and just have sex with his new wife whenever he wants. This will negate the desire to ever look at porn. Even the temptation itself will be vanquished.
Now let us look at the realities we find in our world today. Countless Christian husbands addicted to pornography. Numerous Christian marriages struggling due to an affair. If marriage really solves the problem of lust and porn then why are there so many broken marriages? If Marriage removes any of those urges then why are their married men still giving into them?
our wife is not your Jesus. She cannot make you a new creation upon marriage. She cannot take away your evil desires. Sex with her cannot bring purity to your heart and mind. When we enter marriage with that mindset we are setting ourselves up for failure, disappointment, and heartache. It is a recipe for disaster. It is completely unfair to the spouse. It is full of sorrow.
There are a plethora of reasons for why this concept simply doesn’t work. For one, marriage is not a porn video. It is much more than that. It is far better than that. It is also far more surprising and requires far more effort and time. It is an emotional bond. You are not having sex t any given moment in marriage. You are giving everything of yourself in marriage. There will be times where there will be tension in your marriage. There will be fights. There will be hurts. What will you do in those moments when marriage is not the life of porn you expected? Wouldn’t you just be tempted to go back to what is familiar? Wouldn’t you be tempted to go back to the fake product that you have tricked yourself into believing satisfies you?
We set marriage on this incredibly high pedestal because we set sex on such a high pedestal. Such a huge pressure is placed on marriage. A burden has been set on it that it was never designed to carry. It is such a lie, and sadly there are huge chunks of the church that even endorse it. You better not think anything about sex, but once you are married go to town.
Here is the truth. Marriage can’t fix your lust and porn problems. It can’t fix your promiscuity problems. There is no magic in that ring you put on that keeps you from being unfaithful. The ring is just a symbol of your word. It only has as much power as your word does. The truth is that marriage is nothing like a porn video, and thank the Lord it is not.
There is much more truth as well. There is some happy truth to all of this. Marriage cannot fix your lust and porn issue, but it is immensely rewarding and glorious when you enter it after already dealing with those issues. Marriage done right helps you see even clearer how foolish all those issues of lust and porn were. It helps you see even better just how empty those sins are. A marriage done right helps you actually experience the fake from the real. Let us not play this silly game of marriage fixes everything though. It simply does not work.
I think there are a bunch of reasons for why the divorce rate is high, why so many Christian husbands are enraptured in porn, and why so many marriages seem to tread the valley of adultery. I’m not saying this lie is the main cause, but form what I have seen it is an incredibly dangerous factor.
Marriage was never designed to purify your sinful nature. it was never designed to be the vessel of your sanctification. That is Christ’s job. That is what a death on a cross was for. That is what a relationship in Christ brings. I beg you, for the sake of Christian marriages and for the hope of the family unit centered in Christ, do not buy into this lie. Your future marriage depends on it.