Lies About Sex and Porn: It’s “Their” Fault

It was my freshman year in college where we discussed “complicated” topics in my GNED course. That day we were discussing the issue of modesty. What level of responsible are women supposed to have in how they dress? Boys and girls gave their answers as best as they could. It quickly devolved into the blame game. The guys had trouble articulating their thoughts because they were embarrassing, and feared being called cowards who were just making excuses.

“It doesn’t matter what I wear”, said one girl. “Even in my frumpiest clothes and giant sweatshirts there are guys who still treat me like an object. Why should I when they won’t bother to have any self control?” An excellent question. It is one girls everywhere are asking. Why should the be so responsible over men’s thoughts. Why must they be the ones making all the sacrifice and work?

Men grow helpless when they can’t catch a break. Going to the beach or pool becomes a chore rather than enjoyable. doing research on the internet ends up requiring an amount of brainpower dedicated towards focusing on the harmless task rather than doing any snooping. Why else would girls dress so provocatively if not to get our minds heading in a bad direction? Why can’t they understand this struggle we fight within ourselves?

Two sides who are playing the blame game. Which side is really at fault? Are women really supposed to be more responsible in what they wear? Do they really bare some responsibility in helping men? Do men really need to get their thoughts back in line. Do they need to learn how to be better disciplined in remaining dependent on the Lord and his strength when faced against temptation? The answer to all is yes.

Let me state right now that a victim of sexual abuse is never asking for it. It does not matter how they are dressed, what they have done, what they have said, etc. Sexual abuse is sin and the guilty party is the attacker. You will never see me defend the actions of an attacker like that. I just wanted to make sure I had that clear and out in the open.

There was an interesting study done at Princeton a few years ago. Men were presented in rapid speed with pictures of women. Some were fully dressed while others were wearing bikinis. Any men reading this already know where this study is heading. The pictures of women in bikinis gave an interesting result in the brain scans. The section of men’s brains that is used when thinking and working with tools and such went nuts. It lit all up. any men experienced a deadened state in the brain that is used for emotional connection. The part that comes to life when you are thinking abut someone on an intellectual level.

What did this mean? Men were viewing bikini wearing women as objects. A simple tool to be used to however they best met their needs. Here is the thing, women will read this and probably have an immediate first reaction that is the wrong one. You will say that all this means is that all men are pigs. I can see the reasoning behind it. I can even understand it to an extent. That is such a mistake though. To my Christian female readers out there I beg you to take this study and use its information wisely. Men are hardwired in a bizarre way. We are needing to fight against are basic blueprint in order to keep our thoughts under control. It sucks. The world bombards us with images that play to this natural brain chemistry because they know we are susceptible to it. We fight this battle everyday. What we really desire is a place where we can gain some relief. What happens when a well meaning man cannot get this relief at church, youth group events, friendly parties meant for laughter enjoyment? We feel suffocated ladies. We feel like we are slowly being choked out of existence. It’s painfully difficult for us.

Men, this is not a free pass. Even when our Christian sisters pull this off brilliantly we are still facing off against the rest of the world, and the world is a very big place. What does this research tell us? It tells us we are naturally bent towards visual experiences. This can be an amazing thing when accommodated with God’s design, but can easily be abused just like many other things that were meant to be good. I like that I am physically attracted to my wife. That is natural. It is a good thing. However, it can get screwed up. This all tells us that we need to better depend on a higher power. We need to lean on God for strength and courage. We need to cultivate a community where we can be open about these struggles in order to produce healthy accountability. We need to get to work. We need to be thankful to those women we know who strive to keep from adding to the problem. We need to thank God for them We need to be grateful to them for their dedication and sacrifices in order to help make our lives a little easier.

Both of us need to stop playing the blaming game. Both sides need to stop telling the other side what they need to do to fix the problem, and start asking themselves as an individual what difference they can make. The individual need to take responsibility for the individual. To the ladies, I thank you for all you already do. I apologize for those men who lack all self control and live by self-rule rather than dependent disciple so that they may ogle you no mater how hard you try to present yourselves properly. To my fellow men, press on. The world will never fully understand the harm it is causing us. We can’t rely on the world to make this trial easier for us. It is not the worlds job to fix it. Press on, remain dependent, strive to live peaceably with all.

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2 responses to “Lies About Sex and Porn: It’s “Their” Fault

  1. Right on brother. I love my wife and am glad i am attracted to her but even recently i have been brave enough to admit that i get a basic attraction to other women when they don’t dress modestly. Is it my fault? Yes. Is it their fault? Yes. Keep on telling it like it is bro.

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