Why Did We Stop Talking About Ashley Madison?

I have to be honest by saying there is something that has been bothering me a great deal. A while back there was the scandal of the Ashley Madison leak. This may sound like old news. You may have already forgotten about it in the midst of other hot topic points like the latest political debate or the Kim Davis situation. That is a bit of what is bothering me though.

It worries me how quickly we stop talking about such a pervasive issue in marriages the moment the hot button issue of gay marriage comes back up. Let me give this full disclaimer before someone goes to the comment section to start griping at me. I am not saying homosexuality is ok. I am not saying we should not talk about the Kim Davis situation. I realize I do not know everyone, and there may well be people who are still talking about this issue, but this post is simply out of a more general view from what I have seen form my admittedly limited perspective. However, within that limited perspective we sure forgot about a scandal that is literally affecting and trivializing countless marriages awfully quickly.

This simple truth is that peoples understanding is so incredibly broken, and I’m not sure we quite know how to help them fix it. We ump at the opportunity to condemn any post that speaks favorably of homosexuality, but no one seemed to pay attention to the posts that said the Ashley Madison was not a big deal, or even dared to say that it was a good thing.

There is one article I read that tried to say that people upset over the Ashley Madison scandal had to calm down. Sometimes having an affair is the best possible option. Sometimes a man or woman is stuck in a loveless/sexless marriage and needs to go to an outside source to meet those needs. This is what our younger generations are being taught. If something is no longer satisfying you then look for that satisfaction elsewhere.

Here is a different lesson that you may not like to hear. Sometimes marriage is just hard. There will be periods where it may not satisfy you in ways you hoped or expected in the moment. There may be dry periods. This is why I tell men they are fooling themselves when they say that marriage will fix their porn addiction. It wont! Pornography is built under the guise to attempt to portray the perfect mate for someone. Someone who can always meet every desire. Someone incapable of ever telling you no. Someone who will never do anything to upset you. It is a false perfection, but make no mistake that it strives to set itself up as perfection.

This is where it starts though. This is one of the first battle grounds in the fight for your marriage. So many affair stories have begun with the words, “I couldn’t stop looking at porn.” Why have we stopped talking about this! Because a lunatic trying to become president said something stupid again? Because a woman refused to hand out a marriage license?

If we stop talking about these issues then what can we expect on other areas? I realize there are other issues going on in the world that demand attention. I understand that, but we are great at multitasking on discussing a multitude of other areas. Why have we suddenly stopped talking about this? It strikes me that there are two potential main reasons.

The first is that is strikes to close to home. Let’s face the facts. It is highly unlikely everyone speaking out against homosexuality is at serious dangerous risk of waking up one morning and realizing they are gay. It just is. But this? Well this is all too common. Pornography in marriages is all too prevalent. Marriages that we know and thought healthy we have seen shatter over an affair. This problem just seems all too possible to affect us individually, and that is intimidating.

The second and even more disturbing reason is that we have become numb to it. Affairs and sex scandals are common. It is sad it happens, but it is just the way the world is. Why is this so disturbing? It is only a matter of time that any other issue goes down the same road. Culture will continue to make sin popular. That is something we can expect. If this is the attitude we hold towards it then it is only a matter of time that the issue you are currently passionate as well becomes treated as a numbness to the world. It will just be another bad thing that people do, but oh well. No point trying to hard when it is so prevalent.

Why are we not talking about these issues more? Why are we not calling for the nation to pray over this? I have had a lot of people saying how they hope to one day tell their children how they did everything they could to fight for God’s definition of marriage. Nowhere in the definition is their reference to the epidemic of unfaithfulness in marriages. Nowhere is their discussion on what they strive to do to protect the next generation form a world that is shoving sex and pornography down their throats.

I would ask of anyone reading this to stop and think, and reflect how this Ashley Madison scandal may be affecting you. Is it pornography? Struggles of happiness in your marriage? I then beg of you to pray and speak up regarding these issues. There are so many things our nation needs to be praying for, but I desperately do n want this to be forgotten in the shuffle.

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The Defining Moment

I have written on Daniel and his boldness of prayer before. That post focused more on how we tend to highjack Daniel’s story, and convince ourselves that he was a bold zealot who fought against authority. His story has been making the rounds again lately as an example over various events taking place in our world today. I can understand the comparisons, and cannot say I know enough to say whether or not that comparison is even right or wrong. Daniel did not shy away from his commitment to God within his position in the local government. He remained firm to his convictions, and had an incredibly defining moment. A moment where he prayed to God when it was against the law. The consequence was to be thrown into a den of lions.

I think we still miss a lot when we just focus on Daniel’s defiance. I have said that before on this blog, but it seems important to repeat. It is so easy for us to look at Daniel in his one defining moment, but the simple truth is that this is incredibly misleading for us to view Daniel as an example. Growing up I would hear these stories, and wonder if I would be prepared to have that one big defining moment. Those moments in America are rare. We think they are prevalent, but not compared to the countless Christians around the world who are literally being killed for their faith every day.

Here is was the problem with my thinking, or at least one of the problems. Daniel did not have on big moment. Daniel’s story is about having a defining lifestyle. Daniel was consistent with his prayer. He prayed three times a day in the same way. It was not out of rebellion to the authority above him. Daniel was praying long before it was illegal to pray. That is the real trick. Daniel didn’t suddenly become a loyal believer of God after it was dangerous to do so. His consistency is what made it feasible to remain faithful when danger presented itself.

Our lives are filled with opportunities for small defining moments. These will be moments that will shape our character and faith. Daniel’s faith was seen to be so strong that his enemies needed to find a way to make it be a weakness. They still failed to succeed.

We often look at people who have one singular defining moment that gets them either in the media, quoted on the internet, or in some other way recognized for appearing daring for their faith. We are so obsessed with seeing these big moments, but often forget the little ones. It is the little moments that produce consistency, and point to a higher purpose.

Here is the simple truth, Daniel would have been perfectly fine to have never been caught for praying in his room, it would not have bothered him if his story was never recorded in Scripture, and it didn’t seem to bother him when it seemed a certainty that his story was going to end being eaten by a lion. Daniel wasn’t doing it to be recognized for the big moment. Daniel was remaining faithful because he was part of a people that had gotten into this mess for a disastrous level of unfaithfulness to God. His prayers were prayers of begging God for forgiveness and mercy. His defining moments were the ones that were never actually written about because those were the ones who made him who he was.